4:15 a.m. Saturday morning…the only morning I can “sleep in”…which means 8 a.m at best…but hey I take what I can get. Why am I awake? Pain. A sudden onset of the worst Fibromyalgia flare-up to date. Sleep is out of the question, but it’s all I want. Or do I want to escape?… I think it’s both.
4:30 a.m. What I do wrong? What did I do differently? Did I sleep in a bad position? Ugh…this cold, wet weather…and there’s no end in sight. Maybe I’m getting sick? Did I remember my hormones yesterday? I wish there was a magic pill that would just take it all away.
5:00 a.m. Hello!? Remember Me!? I’ve got this. It’s as if the Lord was tapping me on the shoulder saying Knock it off!! I stopped trying to figure it out right then and there.
5:30 a.m. I’m ready to pull my hair out. Nerve pain is the.worst. I asked Nathan to hit me over the head with a shovel so I could go back to sleep. He didn’t find that amusing. He opted to hold and pray for me instead. Completely emotionless tears just flowed from my eyes the whole time. I don’t even have feeling about it anymore. I’m numb.
6:00 a.m. Something in me wants to fight. I can’t sleep, I can’t rest. I’m up. I want to fight! Maybe it’s the stubbornness rearing her ugly redhead? Maybe it’s not wanting the enemy to get the best of me. Maybe I just won’t take this lying down. Maybe I’ve had enough. I can’t quite put my finger on it. And it might wear me right out but I’m somehow at peace. It’s so weird.
7:00 a.m. Only God. He’s the only explanation. He’s the only reason I’ve made it this far. Believe me, I have wanted to give up. At times it would have been easier. But He wouldn’t give up on me. Giving up is the last thing I want to do right now. I feel like I’m prepping for battle…putting His armor on. I have no idea what I’m walking into. But I have all I need.
7:21 a.m. I hear precious little feet coming down the stairs. Oh such a sweet, sweet sound. Daylight is starting to break. Ok, Lord…let’s do this!
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuinenessof your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9