One of the hardest parts about being a mother for me is when my baby can’t tell me what is upsetting him. Jackson is just 13 months old and yesterday he woke up from his nap just bellowing. It lasted for almost an hour and all I could do was hold him in my arms. I felt so helpless. Everything I tried made it worse. He wasn’t wet, he wasn’t hungry, he didn’t have a fever, he didn’t want to play…he just wasn’t himself. We finally decided to give him some Tylenol thinking he must be in pain…and what did I see? Ah-ha! His 7th tooth popping through on the bottom. Sure enough a little while later and he was back to his busy self again and I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.
It isn’t very often that I can’t figure out what the matter is when it comes to my children…but even sometimes our 3 and 5-year-old can’t tell us exactly what is bothering them and we have to try to figure it out. They just can’t put it into words. How often have I felt like that before? You know those times when you know you should pray…but you’re not even sure how to? When you don’t even know how you feel or how to put it into words?
I used to think that before I came to the Lord I had to have my speech rehearsed and perfect…He is God afterall…perfect and holy…the least I can do it get it together before I bother Him, right? If that were the case none of us could ever pray. I just put it off until “later” but then later gave way to the day and before I knew it, it was tomorrow. What I didn’t realize is that I am never going to have it all together…what matters is that I come to Him anyway.
God can see our inmost thoughts, desires and feelings. All we have to do is come before Him. You can say “I don’t know what to say”…and that’s okay! I have those moments where I have to say “Thank you for interceding for me because I’m not sure how to put this…” and I can feel a peace that He’s hearing me and knows exactly what I’m trying to convey. I have moments where I pray through scripture because it puts into words exactly how I’m feeling because I simply cannot. I have moments where I’m just silent and listen because I feel so empty. What I didn’t understand was that God wants me to do that. He wants to hear from me no matter what.
I had an evening last week where I was just done…spent, exhausted, in pain, weak, weary and ready to throw in the towel…in fact, I think I did throw my towel. I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling, so I just fell to my knees and sobbed right on the kitchen floor. I couldn’t pray, but I did anyway. I don’t even think I said any words, but I knew God was listening. He heard me and He helped me. Just like Jackson crawls to me crying not able to tell me what is wrong, I need to do the same with the Lord. There is no better place I can go than to His arms when I don’t know what to say.