Have you seen the Disney Pixar film Inside Out? It is adorable! Our family loves it. (Watch the trailer above if you haven’t…it features my favorite song by Boston…’More than a Feeling’. Just sayin’!)
I have to say that I personally most identified with Joy…well aside from the difference between moms and dads ;)…because she really strived to see the positive side of any situation. Therefore I found that I was most annoyed by Sadness. I really wanted her to stop messing with Riley’s memories. I kept thinking, Come on! Knock it off already! This morning I figured out why as I was stuck ill in bed as my family went to church without me…again!
I’m a stuffer. I don’t always like to feel. I use joy to push out sadness. I’ve been doing it for weeks and this morning I just couldn’t do it anymore. Even though I don’t feel shame over showing emotion as I once did, it’s just my personality to suppress it, I guess. But this morning I had to feel sad and express it.
I want to feel better. I should feel better! Why don’t I feel better!? What if I don’t get well…what if it gets worse? I want to be able to be the wife and mom that I should be. I should be with my family! I haven’t been to church in a month! I want to heal.
I’m just not there yet. So I cried. I needed to. I prayed that God would give me some kind of encouragement.
I looked to my bedside table and the only thing within reach was my Mac. I opened it to calvarygr.org and hit the live stream link. I was able to lay in bed and listen to God speak through the sermon from Joshua 10. It was about how God will fight for us. What I was able to see is that God is on my side fighting this battle right alongside of me, but I cannot run ahead of Him. Right now I have to just take it one day at a time and know and trust that God is faithful and give me exactly what I need when I need it…not always what I want. I am so thankful that even in sadness I am able to see God and He meets me in that place and shows me His unending love and grace. Today I even find myself thankful for sadness…which in the end was the entire point of Inside Out. God sure knows what He’s doing when He makes us, doesn’t He?