Every day is full of fun around here. When we joke with the kids that are just having too much fun this summer they protest there is NO such thing! I would have to agree. We get to enjoy…
Boys playing any kind of ball…running, screaming and scoring.
Girls sweetly, quietly retreating to a sparkly world of fashion and beauty, giggles and all things pretty.
No worries, no stress.
And these kids, they are always hungry, always thirsty. Just like their belief about too much fun…they are never.full! And they never ever hesitate to come calling for mama…or Miss Jennnn?!...when they need…well…anything knowing I and any other mama in the neighborhood will always be here to help provide whatever it is they are in search of. And when I happen to be out of ear shot (even mama needs a potty break for Pete’s sake!) there is this magical thing called the refrigerator in which they all know the bottom drawer always contains nothing but juice boxes for them….to which they help themselves. And we can’t forget the pantry with a seemingly never-ending supply of peanut butter crackers. I love it! These kiddos trust without a care in the world. The childlike faith they possess is such a reflection of what I must choose each day in my walk with the Lord.
We have been basking in the joys of friends, fun and family these past 2 months and I am bound and determined to squeeze out every drop I can out of this summer before that dreaded school bus arrives to steal my babies away in a mere 4 weeks. September 8 will end my 10 year reign as full-time mama bear with little ones running through the halls, their precious bare tootsies going from pitter-patter to a seeming sudden stamp-stomp. Oh how I will miss that back screen door slamming shut all day! 😦
While I have been avoiding back-to-school sales, pencils, notebooks and crayons like the plague I cannot avoid it forever, especially when the blasted Bell Ringer came in the mail today. In my sadness, I stopped to listen and to remember…to choose to see what blessed gifts I get to encounter each day so thankful for all God has shown me through my children.
The Lord led me to Psalm 31 today when heavy darkness seemed to loom over my soul.
You see…this summer has been oh so difficult. On the outside, I look fine…good even, perhaps? Last Friday at my pain injection appointment of all places (not feeling fabulous going there, folks!) the staff of doctors, nurses and techs almost unanimously deemed me as, guess who? Amy Adams look-alike with one vote from my anesthesiologist for Elisabeth Shue. Umm, I think I will take either, thank you!
While I keep hearing You look so great!! I don’t feel good! I feel terrible and I have to graciously say thank you BUT intentionally be honest in how I truly, invisibly feel inside despite the constant temptation to be a pretty little liar and hide behind appearances. That would be so much easier.
I keep hanging on to this hope that I am going to feel better…if I could just feel better…I HAVE to FEEL better! …because then I wouldn’t have to face my fears, my doubts and my failures of not being all I want to be and do all I want to do. But I don’t feel better…I’m not all I want to be. Maybe I won’t ever be. Yet I somehow I still have hope.
God’s got me. Even though just like these children I will always be hungry. I will never be full this side of heaven. I will always need Him, and I can always trust Him. Despite all of the difficulty, I still get to bask in the wonders of His love each and everyday because He just keeps pouring it out and filling me over and over again through those He has so graciously placed in my life. Through laughs, smiles, hugs and even the tears…they are all gifts. His love never runs out…just like the magical refrigerator that never seems to run out of juice boxes. His resources are limitless. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness to me.
I have all I need. I have Him.
Whatever you’re facing friends, hold on, because our hope is in the Lord. He’s got you!
Praise be to the Lord,
for he showed me the wonders of his love. Psalm 31:21