Quite a few months ago my witty and carefree sister had me hanging onto a shelf in the middle of the main aisle at Meijer with my legs crossed (in fear of urinary incontinence…please…no judging, friends!) and I was literally crying with laughter after her very fitting words...I am so Anna and you are so Elsa. I’m fun and you just need to ‘Let it go’! I laughed uncontrollably for several minutes because this sisterly princess parallel from the movie Frozen is SO true! The Martha in me is quite a neat (control) freak. I like things just so. So in recent months I have had to let it go…big time! I have been able to do exactly 5 things…
- Make beds
- Make lunches
- Make sure everyone has clean clothes
- Make sure everyone does their homework
- Make sure everyone stays alive…to the best of my limited ability
OH! And pray from my spot! (So I guess that’s 6!) As you can see…cleaning is NOWHERE on that list and that is NOTHING like me. We keep things pretty well picked up because my family is well trained in the likes of my neurotic neatness. Our dear moms and sweet Emalynn have happily jumped in to clean without us even asking, but there are areas that are just…ick. And the closets and drawers…pffft…they’re exploding! I have claimed the familiar motto…
Good moms have dirty ovens, sticky floors and happy kids.
Amen-? With all of my chronic pain and health issues I have always been able (and determined) to just plow through, buck up, deal with it and get ‘er done. This is different…very.different. I think God has slowly prepared me for this because a few years ago I probably would have had a heart attack trying to keep this place clean as if my life and worth depended on it. But now…I don’t even care!? Martha is fading…fast!
Then…I got the sweetest, most terrifying Facebook message and card in the mail today. My sister’s mother-in-law, Mim (she is seriously like family to me, too) and a dear sweet friend from church insistently want to come and clean our house! I literally felt a lump in my throat form…Ugh! I can’t let them see our filth! But I knew God was telling me to say YES! I have not been turning down any offers for help and this is such a blessed gift to us but, oh…cleaning?…I can’t let someone else clean this place. As I contemplated how I would respond, I was reminded of what someone (I can’t remember who-?) once said….Don’t swallow your pride, SPIT IT OUT!
Our house is not a museum or something to be proud of…it is a blessing given to us from God so it belongs to Him. I need to take care of it and not worship it…but worship the Giver. I need to be thankful for it…and not for a minute think I deserve or have earned it. My fear of others seeing my dirt and grime is the anxious and prideful Martha in me…and the YES, a reply from the worshipful, peaceful, thankful Mary! While there is still a tug of war within my heart between the two, today I am so thankful that through the wonderful gifts of dear souls, God has revealed my pride to me…and not to swallow it…but to let it go and spit it out.