We are on the brink of entering a new phase of parenthood. Emalynn turned 7 years old a few weeks ago and is proud to show of her newly pierced ears. Maxwell turned 5 a mere 5 days later and can be found putting together Legos, riding his two-wheeler without training wheels and jumping off of any piece of stationary furniture or staircase with his new super hero capes trapsing behind. Jackson is now 2 1/2 and along with that we seem to be losing our “baby” to big boy-dom with each new word and phrase he adds to his exponentially exploding vocabulary and every successful venture on the potty…and the trouble that seems to find him of course. Em and Max will be starting school…both ALL day long!…in just 2 weeks I am shockingly very much at peace about it all…though I’m sure I will shed a few tears when my sweet little boy gets on the bus for the first time. One of Jackson’s key phrases “I woke up” rings a bell…
Each and every time I open Jackson’s bedroom door in the morning or after his nap he bellers from within the confines his crib (praise God he is still in it…though I know our days are numbered!) with enthusiasm he proclaims “I woke up!” He says the phrase promptly reminding me to…in his own words…”turn mines fan off” and “put mines sunshine up”…which means I need to open the window blinds. Often as he realizes nap time or bed time are approaching he says his familiar phrase again…”I woke up!”…as if to reiterate that he is indeed wide awake and even if he is rubbing his eyes or walking sideways he certainly doesn’t have a need for slumber. What 2 1/2 year old would admittedly need that!? I can relate!
I have had the most fascinating summer. I realize I haven’t posted much…well…anything since before summer began. We have just been frankly too frantically busy having a BLAST with family, friends and a full house of neighborhood kiddos most days…which we love. I’ve also been helping my sister plan the wedding of the decade…well in our family anyway which is a mere 3 1/2 weeks away…YAY…that I have been spending almost every single spare second I can muster buried deep in my prayer and devotional journals as well as in God’s Word. I have been reading books like Genesis and Exodus and Psalms and one I’d never paid much attention to…Habakkuk. It has been incredible. I have been transformed day in and day out by astounding revelations through the Lord opening my eyes to His Truth. Most importantly God has shown up so profoundly each day…in things big and small. His faithfulness is overwhelming to me. I can honestly say “I woke up”.
At the beginning of the summer I was struggling with a few things that I just didn’t understand. I begged God for help and He spoke…though I wasn’t sure I liked…well, I didn’t like…what He said. It’s ironic how when you think you know…you’re just sure of how He will answer…and He totally goes a different way. For a person who enjoys to be beautiful on the outside God really showed me some ugliness on the inside that needed to be spruced up…a lot…and only He could do it. I was forced to be honest with God. I was forced to deal with emotions that had been bottled up for a long time. I was forced to seek Him for His Truth amongst all the lies I had believed for so long. It was painful at times…physically and emotionally…and it would have been much easier to just go back to sleep by slapping on a cute outfit and more makeup. Does that really fool anyone? In the end I can see that I needed to face the ugliness wide awake so that I could be healed and move beyond it to be truly beautiful from the inside out…which was the desire of my heart. Only the love-Light of Jesus can do that. He is the only thing good or beautiful in me and I thank and praise Him for showing me that it simply isn’t about me or what I want…at all!
I feel like I have woken up from a spiritual slumber of sorts and just like Jackson I don’t want to go back to sleep. I absolutely need my time with the Lord each day in prayer and the Word to face this ever-changing and difficult path. I start to drift without it. Who wants to walk through life half out of it? Each time I start to slip into dream land or am tempted to cover up ugliness with cute clothes or makeup I pray I fight it tooth and nail…just like Jackson… and proclaim I woke up!