I am beyond elated today! Our sweet little Jackson Douglas is 2!!! When I exclaimed “Happy Birthday, Buddy!” he said “Cake!?” That’s my boy! This kid is a riot I’ll tell you what! I am going to try my best to put pen to paper about how I feel this very special February 6 but I’m not sure I can capture it with words. I can’t even begin to express to God how thankful I am to Him for giving us such an unexpected blessing in our life!
I am almost giddy as I recall the events surrounding Jackson’s existence. I wanted a third child in the worst way. I was just desperate for another child and I had no idea why. I felt so guilty! Here we had a perfect “million dollar family”…which was in fact priceless with Emalynn and Maxwell…2 healthy, beautiful children that God just sent in His perfect timing…but yet I just longed for more. Much of that was because of what God had so graciously done in my life in rescuing me from such utter darkness with these 2 precious little people. As my doctor put it …motherhood is “God’s best medicine” for me.
I knew my husband was quite content and given the fact that we weren’t exactly on the same page in the Spring of 2009 I told him that I thought we should fast and pray about the future of our family. What God told me in that time was to be content with what He had so graciously given me and submit to my husband and his desires…but more importantly to trust Him! I was sad but I had this unexplainable peace that God was in control and I knew I needed to let go of what I wanted. After meeting with our doctor the decision was made to make it “official” and “certain” to be “done” with babies by scheduling a very “final” procedure for my husband. Long story short…the appointment was made on June 1, 2009 and we found out Jackson was on his way the VERY NEXT DAY!
We call that our “God has a sense of humor” story. But the truth is…it’s so much more than that! I wanted another baby with every ounce of my being and from the moment our little Maxwell was born I knew God wasn’t through with us yet…I also had a feeling it was going to be dramatic…not because of women’s intutition…not because of a hunch…I really believe God was telling me to just trust Him. No matter how I might try to maneuver around it…what He has shown me is that ultimately He’s in the driver’s seat and every aspect of my life has been planned from before the time God created the world. He loves me that much! It just takes my breath away! I also believe He didn’t give me what I really wanted until I laid it at His feet once and for all and gave Him my dreams, my hopes, my all and surrendered to His will. The blessings from that? IMMEASURABLY MORE than I could EVER ask or IMAGINE!
What Jackson’s birth and life represents to me is how GREAT our God is. How awesome, how compassionate, how loving, how gracious He is. I love these babies so very much…and to think…He loves me…and them…all of us…far greater than we could ever fathom. It almost makes my head hurt to think about it. Someone said something yesterday that summed it all up. I can trust a God who would die for me with everything I have because He solved the biggest problem I will ever face on the cross. He gave up everything for me…I think I can give up my measly little hopes for something far greater than I could ever dream up. He’s proved Himself faithful over, and over, and over again.
I was so excited for this outstanding reminder today when for the 1st time in my life as a mother I have a 2-year-old and I don’t have another baby on the way. This is the first time I have ever been here before. It’s a little bit strange. I guess I just don’t know what this feels like. I’ve been in a whirlwind of babies and pregnancies for 7 years now and embarking on the unknown is quite different. I thought for sure I would be sad today. But actually, I’m not! I am praising God for the gifts He has lavished upon us! I just have this amazing, thrilling feeling that He has something exceedingly, abundantly beyond what I could ever ask or think in mind for our future. Again…not intuition…not a gut feeling…just His amazing feeling of peace that my life is in His hands. And there is no other place I want it to be!
SO when people ask me if we’re “done” having children…I am very careful about my answer. You see only God knows for certain. HE alone is the great Creator and Sustainer of all life. History has proven…at least for me…making plans like that isn’t really up to us. I am totally good with that! Today I am simply over the moon marveling in awe at the wonders of His love and celebrating our sweet, precious little Jackson! Happy Birthday Buddy Bear!