Day 7 of the Daniel Fast and things are going…GREAT! Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who are praying for me! I actually feel really, really good despite the fact that I am on a detox. I still of course have pain but the pounding headaches I’ve had for nearly a month were completely gone the very first day! But what is more important is I really feel God speaking to me and showing me things that if I weren’t so focused on Him…I might miss them.
This morning I sang a song in our worship time at bible study. I prayed that the Lord would really help me to fully mean the words I was singing and that I would sing them from my heart because they really reflect the way I feel right now…It’s hard to take the first step, when I don’t know the way. Each turn is so uncertain, I learn to walk by faith. But You gave me a promise that You would never leave; You will lead and guide me, Lord I do believe. Lead me, Lord I will follow Lead me, Lord, I will go. You have called me, I will answer. Lead me, Lord, I will go.
God answered. I really did sing those words in truth and being given the gift to sing them was such a blessing. About 10 or 15 minutes into our small group time the unexpected happened and our Children’s Director came to get me and another mom because our boys were not feeling well. Little Jackson just wasn’t himself and simply wanted to be held. I brought him back to our class and held him. When we got to our reflection time…our time just to sit and be still before the Lord to hear what He wants to tell us…God gave me the most amazing picture.
As I sat there holding my little guy the Lord spoke to me so vividly. I am just like Jackson! A little almost 2-year-old with a vivacious spirit and I think I can do many things all by myself…until I realize…I can’t. “I STUCK!” in Jackson terms. THEN do I cry out for help to my Heavenly Father in desperation. He certainly gives me things to comfort me, especially when I’m not feeling well…similar to a blanket and a paci. And often when He pulls me close to comfort me…I push His hand away. He looks on me in love and knows what is best for me. I am obedient sometimes…but sometimes I get that look in my eye and I know what the right thing to do is yet I contemplate what isn’t…and sometimes I blatantly disobey in defiance thinking I know best.
I need my Father to guide me…to hold my hand…to care for me. What would I do without him? What would Jackson do without me? It’s scary to think of a nearly 2-year-old being all by himself for even a few minutes. I don’t even want to think about what could happen to a baby who is left alone helpless and uncared for. But…what does a life look like without our Heavenly Father? Is it not the same?
What a gift that picture was…of my Heavenly Father holding me. Of His hand holding mine wherever I go…or carrying me in His arms. Of Him loving me, caring for me and doing what is best for me. It was exactly what I needed in this time of fasting. What a gift Jackson not feeling well was…and needless to say…he perked right up during prayer time and even had a donut afterwards. I think he’s feeling much better! As for me…I don’t ever want to think of myself as anything more than a nearly 2-year-old because I always want Him to lead me. While I head into the unknown…I am no longer scared. God has a hold of me…and I am not going to let go of His hand.