It seems so often when I find our little Jackson amongst a very large mess…he’s created one in his diaper as well. I cannot count how many times I’ve had to do a double-duty clean up. He’s the master at getting himself into big do-do! He tries to hide…even when he is completely quiet (usually a good sign he’s up to no good)…though his stench always finds him out. It could be that he’s climbed on the dining room table and un-arranged the centerpiece of gourds and is under the table playing with them, or unrolled the toilet paper for the umpteenth time (which is good actually…at least he’s unloading in the right room for training purposes), or clearing out drawers to which I have completely stopped re-folding neatly as a lost cause…as was this morning’s incidence. All of our plastic spoons were strewn across the kitchen floor. Not until I arrived on the scene did Jack say “Uh-oh!”
A few weeks ago Maxwell was given a little trinket at his apple orchard field trip for preschool. One of his sweet little friends gave him a gummy, sticky little star that had a long string of gummy stickiness to hang onto. The idea is that it can “grab” things or stick to things…cute, right? No! It’s disgusting! Do you know what sticks to those things? EVERYTHING! Hair, dirt, crumbs, GERMS…EW! It lasted at best 5 hours in my house before my OCD just couldn’t take it any more and I threw it away justifying that it was just filthy and gross and who knows what kind of cold & flu germs were sticking to it.
The next morning the boys and I were on our way to MOPS. Maxwell asked me where his sticky star was. I told him “I’m not sure what happened to it, buddy.” He then asked me if I would help him find it to which I ignored him knowing full well I knew exactly where that thing was and I would not be digging it out of its location. Just a millisecond after I spoke those words the Lord convicted me that I had just blatantly lied to my son. I began to feel terrible…and this song began to play on the radio.
I started to hash over in my mind why exactly I lied to him. Well I threw away his toy from his sweet little friend because I was afraid he would get sick from the germs sticking to it. I then lied to him telling him I wasn’t sure where it was because if I told him the truth he would certainly cry and then I would have to deal with it explaining to him, my tender-hearted little 4-year-old, that I just threw something he treasured away. I didn’t want to be the bad guy! But in turn I became an even bigger bad guy…I had sinned…I lied to my baby! It all started with my fear that he would get sick. Interesting.
But…don’t I pray every single night for God to protect each of us from illness? Isn’t God in control of all of that anyway? Couldn’t the Almighty God, Creator and Sustainer of all life protect my little guy from a potential little germ on a gross little sticky toy? Uh, yeah! So why did I take measures into my own hands to begin with? That fear that I had showed me that while I pray those prayers and I say I trust the Lord, do I? God has been so gracious to keep all of our children healthy through all of the illness floating around this fall. Funny thing is…guess who got a cold that week? Mama did!
Sin is ugly. It stinks. I don’t care how insignificant it seems whether a parent lies to their child to “protect them” from hurt feelings or to make life easier for themselves or about Santa Claus. A lie…is a lie…is a lie…is a lie. And God…He is holy…sinless. He doesn’t tolerate it. It all must be answered for. I later admitted to my son what really happened and he did cry. I did my best to explain to him why I made the choice I made but it didn’t help. The consequence…I hurt my son because I wanted to be in control.
God had to clean my heart double-duty…from trying to control everything myself in distrust and then trying to cover it all up. It just goes to show that if I go my own way, even the slightest bit, I can really get myself into some big do-do! I am so entrenched in my sinful nature that many times it isn’t until God finds me and shines His light on the darkness of my heart do I then say “Uh-oh!” It might seem small and insignificant…but if I don’t think twice about the small things…why wouldn’t I with the big things? Jesus paid for all of my sins on that cross. None of them get to slip through the cracks. He felt every single one. I can try to run from sin, but God always finds me. He sees it all. Even when I package it up like a good intention…just like a dirty designer diaper…it still stinks to high heaven.