Have you ever had a morning in which you woke up and immediately were tempted to pull the covers over your head and just skip it. I mean flat-out, wake me up tomorrow, I can’t face it, I don’t want to deal with it, go away, leave me alone, I’m done and over it already, completely out of steam and you had barely even opened your eyes? Yeah…that was me this morning. I thought to myself… Why does today have to be Tuesday? Why can’t it be Wednesday…or Friday? Come ON! I feel HORRIBLE! I did. I felt worse than I’ve felt in months. But…today is Tuesday and I had to get moving.
I wish I could say I popped up out of bed…but then again…as my dear friend Holly says…if we were meant to pop up out of bed, we would all sleep in toasters. Oh no…I laid there wollering in my self-pity and before I knew it I had my wonderful husband on one side of me and my sweet little girl on the other. My husband gently lifted me out of bed and they both surrounded me in hugs and prayed for me. Thinking about it now their outpouring of love just makes me want to cry but at the time I still didn’t want to face the day. But I put one foot in-front-of the other painfully…certainly not in my own strength.
The thoughts of calling my co-leader to run our bible study group came to mind. I just kept thinking how I just didn’t have it in me. Who was I kidding thinking I could do this? The I-don’t-think-I-cans were building, but God just kept saying He would get me through and to trust Him…to keep my eyes on Him not on my struggle. It was a slow process but I just kept moving knowing I needed to. I got Emalynn and myself ready and went to the bus but not before she told me how beautiful I looked today. I walked back to the house and there in the bottom sidelight window was my sweet little Maxwell peeking through with a smile so big it barely fit on his face. He said Mama…you look good in a hat! I love you! and gave me a huge hug.
We went upstairs to get Max dressed and Jackson screamed “MAaaaaa-MA!” when I opened the door. I picked him up and he gave me the biggest squeeze complete with a giant bear hug grrrrr noise to go with it. Somehow we made it through breakfast and to the car on time and I was starting to feel a little bit better. As I turned on 131 I knew God was going to get me through…He always does. He uses those around me to get me to where He wants me to be.
I got to church and dropped off the boys to their classes and was so thankful for all of the interactions with so many wonderful women. I had a great conversation with a lady on our leadership team that I haven’t had the chance to get-to-know yet. I just so enjoyed talking with her about her struggles and the things she enjoys doing outside our large group setting when normally I just walk right in and get seated with my small group. Right before the program began another young mom from our church came to the registration table. It was her first week and she was looking for the right group for her. I just so happened to be standing right there and the administrator helping her called me over to welcome her to our group of fellow moms of little ones so I could sit with her. I don’t think that was an accident. Because with God…nothing is.
I was so happy to have such a great morning in God’s Word. The interaction with other women was such a comforting thing. And to think…I didn’t even think I had the strength to get out of bed! What a transformation…body, soul and mind! Week after week I write in my journal in our reflection time… Thank you God for showing up…You always do! Thank you for your great faithfulness. You see…I don’t think these doubtful feelings of I don’t want to, or I don’t feel like it…or I simply just can’t do it are a coincidence. I think it’s an attack.
You know me…I’m not about to give Satan any credit. Why give him a foothold. Why allow him to take the wind out of my sails. Why let him think he’s getting to me. After all…it’s my own fault if I give into temptation, right? It’s all on me. Well, the decision is. But the temptation, it’s real. Not wanting to follow through with what I know God wants me to be doing…not wanting to uphold the commitment I’ve made to this ministry, not wanting to even get out of bed…that is not like me at all! It’s so uncharacteristic of who I am. Yet today, I felt all of those things. But God, He strategically placed people in my life today to encourage me, spur me on, pray for me and affirm me to do what He wanted me to do. Come to find out the Lord placed me on another woman’s heart and this afternoon she emailed me to say that she had been praying for me this morning. And yet another in my group said she felt the exact same way this morning and that I’m not alone.
I write this so that the next time I think I simply just can’t do it I will remember that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Whether its face the day or simply get out of bed, I CAN do it, but not by myself. I don’t think I will ever be one to pop out of bed. But I am so thankful for what and who the Lord uses to help me through those flat-out, wake me up tomorrow, I can’t face it, I don’t want to deal with it, go away, leave me alone, I’m done and over it already, completely out of steam before I even open my eyes kind of days. When the I don’t think I cans creep in. Even when I don’t have the strength to even ask Him to, He always shows up!