I come from a long line of worriers. I think it’s in my blood. My Grams could literally worry herself sick. Now I’ll be honest…I’ve done that too many times to count. But lately…and especially under the circumstances…I’ve been shocked. Our oldest 2 children leave tonight to go camping with my parents for a week. I don’t think a year ago this mama bear control freak could’ve handled it without being there myself. They have never been away from me for more than a weekend…and that’s only happened a grand total of like 6 times. But God and I had a discussion about this a few nights ago and since then instead of being worried sick I’ve been in a state of peaceful health.
The other night I came before the Lord with everything….my concerns, my fears, my anxiety…gave it to Him and that was that. What did He do in return? He gave me an amazing sense of peace that He’s in control and I can trust Him as well as my loving, caring, over protective and very capable parents. It’s done, simple and easier than I ever thought possible. Did fear and distraction and distrust try to creep in…oh for sure…the enemy is great at that. But God totally stepped in and reminded me….those children belong to me…I’ve got them. I am going to miss them immensely…but the memories that they will build with my parents will last a lifetime! They can and will teach them things we cannot. I am so thankful for this peace…that far surpasses understanding…and my fears, anxieties and worries…all of those things are not from the Lord.
I only hope I will continue on this path of obedience. I am human after all and oh so forgetful. Like in a few weeks when my firstborn baby girl starts the first grade and spends more time with her teacher everyday than she does with me. When she gets on the bus in the morning that first day lunch in hand and goes to school all day everyday by herself and I can’t be there. I can’t be there. I can’t be there! But I’m supposed to be there. I’m her mommy! I can’t be there…but God can…and He will. I pray that just like last year when I had to drop Emalynn off at the curb at her first day of Kindergarten and drive away to take Maxwell to his first day of preschool that God will watch over her, protect her and guide her just like He did then and through much prayer everyday after. While I would love an endless summer and hold onto August forever, September is coming and a whole new world of letting go is on the brink.
People so often say that children don’t come with instruction manuals. I beg to differ. The Word of God coupled with His presence is much more powerful than any instruction manual…which in my experience have proven themselves worthless all too often. I’ve decided that rather than worry about the entire future of our children I need to take this a day at a time and pray as cares and concerns close in on my heart. I could choose to worry about college and careers and their tender little hearts and the things their little ears will hear in school but God will show us exactly what to do when. Jesus says in Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I really need to rely on those words of peaceful health when I am tempted in my genetic disposition to worry myself sick.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.