Six years of…Why Me?

I stood last night in the baking aisle of Meijer looking at the birthday candles and it hit me…that big number…I need a 6-?  Six years!  I’ve been a mother for 6 YEARS!  How does this go by so quickly!?  It couldn’t have been that long ago that I delivered the most beautiful little girl.  I couldn’t believe she was ours!    I was baffled by how women give birth alone and I was so thankful to have my husband right by my side the entire time.  During labor and delivery I felt like I had experienced every possible emotion within a 7 hour period and the rush gave way to the most incredible little being…an overwhelming adrenaline I had never experienced.  I was dead set afterward that all I needed was this one little girl.  I felt like my life was complete.

The day Emalynn was born another baby girl was born…to a comatose mother suffering from Melanoma.  I was sitting in my postpartum room watching the national news holding Emalynn and saw that Susan Torres gave birth to a little girl, just as I had on the exact same day.  I sobbed looking at Emalynn thinking…why me?  Why do I get to enjoy this little blessing and she doesn’t?  The next day Susan died and only 5 weeks later so did her little girl.  I was so overcome with Why?

Once hearing that story I was determined to enjoy every second with Emalynn.  I had been given a second chance to experience what it meant to live fully!  I can honestly say her first year of life was one of the happiest times in mine.  I had been rescued from utter darkness…emotional and spiritual comatose…with such joy.  She was joy that came straight from God!  She is a gift that reminds me of how beautiful God is.  Through pain, through struggle, through trial and strife…look what He gave us!  God is so good.  And He didn’t stop there!

I have come so far since Emalynn was born.  But her existence was certainly the pivotal point when God lovingly and graciously told me He’s the man in charge.  That He has me in His hands.  He has taught me so much through our little girl’s life.  I know God has a plan and while I don’t understand Why me?…I have to trust that there is a reason that even though I don’t deserve this, I am so thankful that 6 years ago today we were blessed with Emalynn Elizabeth born at 7:09 a.m., 7 lbs. 6 oz, 18 1/2″.  Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”   Jeremiah 29:11

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