When I woke up this morning I was elated to see sunshine. It seems we haven’t seen much of it lately. We Michiganders seem to be a bit like fair-weather fans of sports teams. You know…only hopping on board in support when they are winning…or when the sun is shining. We love Michigan when it’s in the 70’s and sunny. If it’s any warmer it’s most likely “muggy”…our term for humid…and probably “buggy”. Any cooler and well…it’s just cold and could freeze, even snow, at any time. We literally went from having the heat on one day to central air the next…and I can hear (and feel) the storms moving in this afternoon I’m afraid. Such is life in Michigan. I’m not sure I’d want to live anywhere else, though.
My mood…physically, emotionally and spiritually…has been much like the weather as of late. I have had a few days of sunshine but mostly cloudy and rainy and sometimes stormy. It seems to just loom and dampen my spirits immensely. Throughout the past few weeks though I am listening with all of my might the Lord has been so quiet. I keep thinking it’s because I’m hormonally and painfully sidetracked with all of my ailments but I keep hearing “Be Still”. I miss all that He has revealed in recent months. Just reading the right sidebar I’m amazed at what He has shown me. But now…the silence is deafening. Am I missing something?
A few weeks ago I was completely exhausted on a rare Tuesday morning with nothing to do. Bible study was unfortunately complete for the season and Maxwell and Emalynn were both at school. I decided to lay Jackson down for his morning nap and asked the Lord if I could just rest in His presence. I went into my room, opened the windows to let in the warm breeze, closed the blinds, turned on the fan and just laid on my bed. Though I didn’t really sleep I was able to actually rest. I cleared my mind of all of the stresses and schedules and tasks. I was secretly hoping for a great revelation…something profound from the Lord. Instead I kept hearing the sound of the birds…whom normally drive me absolutely crazy in annoyance when I’m trying to sleep. But that day they oddly comforted my weary soul. It was as if the Lord was speaking to me in a different way…simply through His creation…to let me know He was there and He heard me and He had me. When I got up to face the rest of the day God gave me an almost blissful strength to keep on going despite the compounding physical strain I’ve had to endure lately. Needless to say that was a day of literal and figurative sunshine!
Now…there have been more days of rain than that of rays around here. Know the feeling? The people closest to me are probably ready to ship me off to Timbuktu. I am one hot mess much of the time. The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t my much-anticipated doctor appointment this coming week, it is when the Lord gets me out of this funk. Sometimes I wonder…”Lord…how much more can I really take? You just keep dishing! And why when you’re dishing you are being so quiet! I need you! Speak to me!” Just like all of the continued rain…there has to be a reason. So, I need to trust…and “Be Still”…which is one of the hardest things for me. I’ve so enjoyed the Lord speaking to me and writing about it but lately…there’s not much to report…except that I’m in a funk. Who wants to hear about that!?
As much as I love Michigan…I have to admit I am SO over the rain. As much as I know I have been overwhelmingly blessed with a beautiful life…I have to admit that I am in (and SO over) a funk. I also have to admit that God is speaking…but like the weather…it’s just not always what I’d like it to be.