It is a rarity…but it does happen. Today, it happened. I was in Meijer with Maxwell and Emalynn and an exhausted Maxwell decided to have a colossal meltdown over not being able to get a certain toy that was over our modest budget. He screamed all the way to the checkout in fact. Emalynn was able to get her small toy and Max was less than enthused. I was able to keep my composure while speaking firmly to him and was determined not to give in even as he screamed while I put him in his car seat.
The looks and stares didn’t bother me but I couldn’t help but think on my way home…am I a bad parent-? Why did this happen-?
When we arrived home Maxwell had calmed down and as I pulled in the garage he cried “Mama…please don’t be upset with me.” I told him that while I was upset about his temper tantrum I loved him very much and I needed him to sit and think about what he had done. By the time I opened the door to get him he asked me to forgive him. When I laid him down for his nap he prayed and asked Jesus to forgive him, too and as he drifted to sleep, so did my feelings of being a “bad” parent.
How many times in my life have I thrown a “fit” when things don’t go my way? From God’s perspective, who am I to know what is best for me-? My love for Maxwell will never change despite what he does and today God gave me a tiny glimpse of His amazing love for us. He knows every single thing I’ve ever done, said and thought…and he loves me anyway! I am very thankful for this perspective and the peace he has given me. If I had not been listening, I would certainly still be beating myself up for being a bad parent!